Those of you who know me understand that I don't embrace change all that often. Politically, ethically, morally, religiously, and culturally, I'm a somewhat conservative sort of person (though thankfully no longer culinarily so). Not freakishly so, and not flauntingly so (or so I like to think about myself), but fairly conservative nonetheless.
Which is why I can't stop thinking about this damn goop in my hair.
Last Thursday, I went out and got a haircut (as discussed previously), altering a hairstyle that has remained constant for about 14 years now. Post-barber, my hair is really quite short, with no discernable part, and I'll be damned if I don't contemplate my hair at least once an hour now. See, the beauty of my old hair style was that it was very low maintenance. As long as it wasn't in my eyes, I was fine with it. I could manage it, I knew what it looked like, when it was messed up, and how to fix it. Now, however, all reference points have been lost. My knowledge set has been lost, and have no clear understandings or viable points of comprehension. My head has gone postmodern.
I'm not saying I dislike the haircut. At times, I quite enjoy it. I just have no idea how it looks. I have no idea how to style it, and when I try to style it, I feel like a shmuck. Is it too flat? Does it look too styled? Does it look like I'm wearing a goddamn helmet on my head? Is it too messy? Or too stylistically messy? Or do I just look like a moron who can't figure out what to do with his head? (Currently, on the advice of the barber, I'm trying to "pop it up" in the front, which when she did it looked spiky and a bit messy and kinda cool, but when I do it largely involves several clumps of hair sticking together and sliding back along my scalp, as if I were trying to slick my hair back a la Friends' Season One Chandler Bing, which I'm not. Also, I think my hair still remembers the old style, as it still has a tendency to lean to the right, and look thinner on the left, which may just be my mind playing tricks on itself.)
Largely, it's this crap that goes into the process that I despise, what we in our era of infinite wisdom and lexiconical mastery have given the generic term "product". As in, are you using product? Do you have product in your hair? What product do you generally use? I really hate product. Hate hate hate. In the first place, something about its usage as a noun bothers me to no end. Why can't you just say gel or mousse or spray, or whatever? Product is such a generic noun that we can use it to signify just about anything (What's your product? We produce monkey tranquilizers!), and yet we also see fit to use it for the specificity of hair product (as opposed to say, Bucky Badger Cheese Product). I don't know why, but I get very irritated just by the word as a word.
And second, having expressed my distate for it as a signifier, I also can't stand using it in my hair. I never know if I'm using enough, too much, too little, the wrong kind, or how to use it to effectively style, as opposed to making my head look like a helmet of goop. And furthermore, my head now smells. I don't really know if it's a good smell or a bad smell. All I know is I'm aware of it in ways I never was before. But apparently, based on the advice of those much more fashionable and respectably stylish than myself, I need to use it. Damn it to hell.
So basically, through the course of this blog post, I've revealed the fact that I apparently am as self-consciously vain as a 16 year old girl. Do you see what happens when you ask me to change? I become neurotic. So if you have any advice on style or product, feel free to share it with me. If I look like a moron, tell me. I won't take offense. And if you have tips on what to use or how to use it more effectively, I'll be your friend forever.
And I promise, the next blog post will be something hilarious about drinking, not this whiny little girl crap about hair. My apologies to my readers.
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7 comments:
Too much product can weigh down your hair:-) Also, the recent humidity could be having an effect. Humidity can make your hair feel weighed down.
Yes, I do realize that someone who does nothing to her own hair shouldn't be giving advice or comments about styling products. Personally, I gave up on my hair a long time ago. It flops and flies where it wants to - it will not be controlled or governed. k8's hair, thy name is anarchy.
The last time I bought product, I noticed, about a week after buying it, that the tube bore the promise that it would "deconstruct" my hair.
I'm still not really sure what that means.
First of all - I think a picture is called for.
Next, as for products, I can recommend a few. My personal favorite - if you can find it - is MOP's Molding Cream. It works well and smells delicious and citruisy (but not in an overbearing way). It is unfortunately expensive. My next favorite are two products by American Crew - Fiber and Forming Cream. They're similiar products. Fiber gives a little stronger hold but is a little tougher to use. Forming is quite natural feeling. Neither has much scent that I recall. Again, these are more expensive. Now, currently I am using DEP M Groom. While it's not the greatest product by any means, it's very cheap and still effective. (Most cheap brand products don't work at all)
Finally, a key hint is to always work the "product" in your hands awhile to warm it up before applying to your hair.
Good luck.
PICTURES!
three things:
a) I'm not sure the suggestion of change is entirely responsible for your neuroses
b) I was trying to think of a way it could somehow be blamed for your forfeiture of this weekend's flicking match, but alas, it cannot.
c) just to clarify, it smells good
Yes, listen to the people and provide pictures. ;-)
As for your hair remaining stubbornly set in its way if not for the "product," it's not an illusion. Hair will retain a memory, if you will, and continue to fall the same way, especially if you've parted it on one side for, oh, 6 years. And I only choose that number because that's how long I've known you.
As k8 hinted, less 'product' is generally better than more, especially for men. Rubbing it quite a bit in your hands and then rubbing it pretty well into your hair can help take away from the stiff look. Lately I've been using an italian styling cream (davines), but mostly serves to keep my curls from fro-ing. Basically, whether you use gel, wax, cream, spray, gel-wax, mousse, leave-in conditioner, hold, clay, or my personal favorite, pomade, all depends on the specific texture and bend of your hair. From what I saw the other day, it did look a little too sculpted. You might want to work on just pushing it forward and mussing it up in the front - kind of what I wanted to do when I saw you. Otherwise, if you want real advice, I recommend a one-time trip to Blues Hair Studio. It will cost you thirty dollars... but, they'll have real answers to all your questions like what product, how much, and how to style it on your own. Make sure to tell them I sent you, if you do go.
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