First Days

So classes have started again, and this year is already off to a rockin' beginning.

First, my history professor was unable to attend our first lecture on Tuesday, and he got someone to fill in and do the usual syllabus nonsense. His excuse? He's currently motorcycling back from South America, where he spent winter break riding down to the southernmost city on the continent (I believe in the world), celebrating New Years in what I imagine to be some gloriously drunken and festive South American city, and now riding home. He was late for the start because his bike broke down in a small mountain village, where it was being repaired, apparently, by a 70 year old Italian man (who, our sub assumed, had fled native Italy to avoid Il Duche [the dictator, not the fish, Quantum], only to end up in another part of the world still controlled by Germans. This was his joke, not mine, so treat it accordingly). Now, as this professor is apparently also a somewhat elderly chap (or so I am led to believe), this gives him extra points in the Awesome Rating. Hopefully he can live up to this already epic reputation.

Last night/this morning was pretty rough, as I had bizarre and horrifying dreams last night that pretty much ruined any chance at actual rest. They largely involved knife-wielding maniacs attacking me and my cohorts with impunity, and concluded somewhat shockingly with a man attacking me with a butcher's knife, simultaneously cutting me and mutilating himself, till we were both drenched in blood, while the song from the "Beef: It's What's For Dinner" ads played to its climax, like something out of a Kubrick movie (or so my dreaming consciousness believed). Now, this may sound humorous in the light of day, but when you wake up at 12:15am (only an hour after you've gone to sleep originally) covered in sweat and shaking and convinced that a knife-wielding classical music freak is in your living room, it tends to alter your perspective. I did take some comfort in the fact that, while I have no butcher's knife of my own to defend myself, I do have a large glass sword, partially full of Armenian brandy. Sword tucked neatly near the bed in a defensible position, I attempted to return to sleep. Sadly, sleep was fitful, and I spent the time from 4-6 am reading short stories of the science fiction persuasion. Luckily, my students this morning were even less awake than I (8:50 class time), and that combined with my natural charisma and energy led to a successful first class. True, they laughed at none of my jokes, but I think one of them considers me "kind of cool," as indicated by subtle head nods of acknowledgment, and at this point in the semester, I'll take what I can get. This may be altered on Friday, however, when they get their first writing assignment, and I crush their souls.

Thought for the day: Elderly professors on motorcycles. Somewhat disturbing, or kinda cool? At the moment, I imagine a post-apocalyptic landscape where tenured faculty ride the country trying to survive and fighting injustice. A Road Warrior for the 21st century academic. I think it could be quite the blockbuster, and preliminary treatments will begin as soon as we complete our anti-terrorist polemic Free Ben Stein.