I never understood people who bought things simply because they were on sale, or if they had a coupon. (Pardon the unclear pronoun there. By "they" I mean the people, not the things. Though that does raise the question of whether you own the coupon or the coupon owns you. But I digress.) Mostly I've noticed this to be women. Not that I'm trying to be sexist; I imagine men do it too, but we don't often talk about our shopping trips. For my mother, it was always groceries. She'd come home with food we had never heard of and would never consider trying, except that she had a coupon. For many of the women of my college or grad school years, it is more clothing than food. I consider myself to be a practical man. If I need something, I buy it. As I am cheap, I will look for a sale if possible. But I rarely if ever buy anything specifically because it is on sale. If I don't need it, I don't buy it. To me, this was a mark of honor, a way to resist the lure of capitalist exploitation of my already diminished wallet, not to mention more money for booze.
No more.
As of last week, I signed up for a Borders Rewards card. This costs no money, and there are no strings attached. You use it every time you buy something at Borders, and eventually you earn enough points to get gift certificates (I think). As I shop at Borders more often than any other store, and as I already have a Borders Visa card which serves a similar purpose, this seemed like a grand idea. I would double my points and get free stuff, with no cost to myself. Fool, fool that I was.
For you see, dear readers, there is a catch. There is only one catch, and that is Catch-22. And by Catch-22, I mean not Catch-22, but the Coupon Catch. Every time you buy something, they give you a coupon. 25% off one purchase. 30% off one purchase. Everything 10% off for one day. Sounds great, right? Yeah. Great like heroin. Because these coupons expire in a period of three days, and they don't take effect for a week after you get them. So basically, a week after you buy something, you've got this coupon that's only good for the weekend, but it's a good deal. So you feel an urge to go back to Borders. And since most of the books you buy aren't that expensive individually, you can't really justify using a 30% off coupon. Why save $2 when you could save $5, or even $10? Why not buy the book for regular price, then buy something else, say a DVD, that's more expensive, using the coupon there? And why not do this every time you visit the store? Let the savings pile up! It's your duty as a consumer!
Consequently, I now own copies of Ghostbusters I & II and Citizen Kane, and I've got my eye on Maverick, Shaun of the Dead, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Not to mention Batman Begins, should the price drop a bit more. Do I need any of these movies? No. Did I particularly want a copy of Ghostbusters before I saw the box set going for $15? No. I have many friends who each own the movie, and from whom I could borrow it at any time. But intoxicated with my coupon prowess, I felt I had to buy these DVDs. I'd be robbing myself if I didn't.
So to anyone I've ever mocked for buying unnecessary things because of sales or coupons...well, I don't apologize. It was funny, and I stand by it. But I'm now fair game as well. But before you mock, remember that I'm a man with a problem, no different than a crack addict or Britney Spears fanatic. Have pity on a consumer. Or send money.
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12 comments:
"That's some catch, that coupon catch."
"It's the best there is."
As someone who recently went on Amazon intending to buy one book for prelims and instead kept clicking on any prelims book that showed up under "people who bought x also bought y" until finally prelims books stopped showing up under my recommendations, at which point I had purchased 11 books, I can't really say anything about your Borders weakness.
I had the beta version of the Borders Rewards card, and aside from confusing cashiers across the states of Wisconsin and Michigan, I too fell into the trap. This is why I now own piles and piles of manga, as with the discount/coupon/whatever they are usually around $5. Who can resist? Certainly not I.
Somehow, someway, I feel as if I have won.
Is that just because any purchases anywhere inherently increase your overall wealth somehow? Or the fact that you probably have never even glanced at a coupon, judging them too plebian?
Of course, I still reserve the right to laugh at you for your many foolish purchases, Quantum. I seem to remember a certain copy of "American Psycho 2" that sat on your table for a very long time. Not to mention scads of movies and video games you bought and then never seemed to actually watch or play. (Did you ever even get out of Hobbiton in that Lord of the Rings game?)
You have just elegently stated why the american economy, even in recession, is the envy of the world.
Huzzah and Kudos to consumerism!
God that game sucked
What was that movie with Dawn Mora we had like 4 copies of? Rattlers?
the only thing more dangerous than a discount card is a six pack and an amazon.com membership
Hence the 4 copies of rattlers
Best part of the post: "Yeah. Great like heroin."
Seriously. Awesome. And feel free to buy me presents with your coupons if you feel like you're spending too much on yourself.
I feel certain I am one of the offending consumers you previously mocked. Therefore, I hereby mock you. Ha! Take that!
So I just read this post.
Thought I'd also remind Quantum of that Palm Pilot he had that remained unopened for over a YEAR! At which time it became mine.
They actually just identified a "coupon chromosome" in women. We have to buy if it's on sale. It's genetic.
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