A Window into His Madness

Sorry I haven't updated in a week or so. Various things have been happening, but none is a tale unto itself. So here's the highlights of my past week:

1. Gained a small modicum of national acclaim as one of the profs here sent out my Paradise Lost parody e-mail to various Milton scholars throughout the country.

2. Went to a conference in DeKalb, Illinois, with Captain Americanist, The Lecteur, and two Medievalists for whom I don't have names yet. We hit that town like a thunderbolt, gave our papers, and were gone before the echo faded. Upon the return trip, conceived the idea for our version of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which would be the X-Men in the 19th century. Open to suggestions for possible powers.

3. Birthday party for the Red-Headed Stepchild. Theme: golf pros and tennis hos. Red's kinda crazy when it comes to parties, hence a new theme each year. Saw perhaps the worst rendition of "Sweet Caroline" ever performed by man. Perpetrators: one guy who was clearly drunk, and two girls who were either equally blitzed, dumb as posts, or both ("both" seems the appropriate choice).

4. Lost an hour to the cruel hands of time. Lousy Ben Franklin. Penny saved my ass.

And since I had no actual story to tell, a brief glimpse into an aspect of my personality that I found amusing:

You know how they say you should never go shopping while hungry? Well, this has never bothered me, as I don't usually tend to buy a lot of food when I shop (and when I do, I usually get a lot of frozen stuff that will keep forever, rather than snacks or perishables). But recently I discovered a truism for my own life, in that I should never go shopping when I'm thirsty. One night a while back, I had a craving for a Jones' Green Apple Soda. These sodas are very rare, and I only know of them because the liquor store down the street carries them (they are non-alcoholic, not sure why they're there). But I had a huge hankering for one, and I didn't want to go to a liquor store just to get a bottle of soda. So I decided to go to the grocery store, and get a few of them, and perhaps some other potables as well.

The nearby Cub Foods is my store of choice, due to the fact that I used to frequent its counterparts in Chicago, particularly when in search of Old Towne, perhaps the greatest beverage ever to grace the taste buds of the gods. Sadly, it no longer exists, but I still hold true to my store. So I went to Cubs, which tragically did not carry any Jones soda, even in its liquor store. So now I was very thirsty, with no Green Apple soda to slake my thirst, and a credit card just burning a hole in my wallet. The outcome? Items purchased: two large jugs of Gatorade, a bottle of orange juice, a bottle of milk, a 12-pack of Diet Coke with Lime, a 12-pack of Root Beer (cans), a bottle of Root Beer (for that glass taste), two giant jugs of Hi-C Orange Drink, and two 12-packs of Pink Lemonade. It looked like I was throwing a huge party and had been put on mixer detail, or at least that's what I assume the cashier thought. Sadly, I had just wanted a bottle of Green Apple soda. I now had enough liquid to cross the Sahara on foot.

What this says about me as an individual is anyone's guess. Feel free to speculate. Of course, writing this has made me thirsty, so it's time for a soda (Diet Pepsi from the corner store, in case you care). Oh, and I never did get the Green Apple Soda, to this day. I always forget to buy one when I'm getting liquor.

To close, two questions that help determine what kind of person you really are. Reflect, and answer.

1. "Thunder Road" or "Born to Run"?
2. When you sing along with "Roxanne" (and don't pretend you don't), are you a "Roxanne" person or a "Put on the Red Light" person?