Friday, August 18, 2006

What the....?

Ok, my new "Stupidest Thing I've Seen on a Car."

First, I didn't think there could be anything stupider than an SUV Limo.

Then, I thought that could only be beaten by that stupid car that looks like the front end of a car with a rectangle for a back. I forget the name, but it looks like a freakin cube attached to the back of the car, in perhaps the most un-aerodynamic and unstylish design ever.

Today, however, I saw something that beat them both: spinning hubcaps.

Why on God's green Earth did some moron feel the need to keep his (and I'm almost positive this is a guy's invention, cause women generally aren't that stupid about their cars [except as drivers]) hubcaps spinning, even when the car is at rest? I mean, that's the sort of extra drain I would want to be putting on my batteries, considering how expensive gas is these days and how cars are already causing energy problems in America. And furthermore, it's patently unsafe! One of the first things my sainted father (who learned to drive on the mean streets of the Chicago ghettos) taught me behind the wheel was that you can always tell when some moron is about to ignore your right of way or run a stop sign by checking to see if his hubcaps are turning, or starting to turn. They're infinitely easier to spy than the wheels themselves, much more distinctive due to the usual markings, logos, or spokes on them (which are easily distinguished at rest or in motion), and just one quick way to keep yourself from getting killed by all the moron drivers out there.

Well, now the morons have come up with a way to counter that. You go, morons.

I imagine that eventually this will help in some evolutionary, Darwinian "Survival of the Fittest" process involving drivers, and the truly savvy of us will have to adapt. Unless we're so distracted by the constantly spinning hubcaps that we're all hypnotized, and run off the road.

I swear, sometimes I just want to mount a bazooka on my hood.

(Nothing else new to report. Prelims on Monday, studying hard, no wacky adventures.)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude -- how would you actually power such a thing?
They run purely on inertia, methinks.

Taryn said...

When my dad was a mechanic in South San Diego, he said his favorite thing was watching lowrider cars get stuck on the speedbumps of the parking lot outside the garage. He and the other mechanics used to just gather outside and laugh.

Anonymous said...

Um. Have you never seen spinner before?

Dubs said...

Is that what it's called? No, I've never seen it before.

Anonymous said...

The best combination of spinners and car I've ever seen (and by best I clearly mean worst) was in Madison, actually... they were on an otherwise sedate-looking champagne coloured 300M. I felt that it was a sign of the apocalypse.

Taryn said...

Tim totally had spinners on his Lumina.

Anonymous said...

I must agree with you. The Stretch-UV (SUV limo) is the dumbest thing of history.