Risk Rules

1. Australia is the key to victory.
2. Madagascar is the Australia of Africa.
3. Japan is the Madagascar of Asia.
4. Quebec is the Japan of North America.
5. One soldier in Egypt is Duane "The Rock" Johnson as the Scorpion King.
6. Two or more soldiers in Egypt include Michael Clarke Duncan and the Gigolo.
7. One soldier in Alberta is Wolverine. Best at what he does when his back's against the wall.
8. Two or more soldiers in Alberta is Alpha Flight, there to support Wolvie.
9. Quebec houses the Prince of Canada, Wayne Gretzky.
10. However, he often has a body double stand in for him, and thus becomes the floating monarch, capable of popping up in any country.
11. When conquering Western United States, you are always doing it to go sleep with Catherine Zeta Jones.
12. Ukraine is weak.
13. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

(These rules brought to you by many games of Risk at NU, and offered up in honor of Brownsox, who is going to Madagascar apparently.)